• An Idiot Wind

    An Idiot Wind

    Given my choice of movies, the execrable Michael Jackson puff piece/pseudo-documentary This Is It would have remained near the bottom...
  • Spy Rock Memories, Part 3

    Spy Rock Memories, Part 3

    All right, maybe I exaggerated a little bit. There were a few weeks of spring before summer hit with full...
  • The Woods Are Lovely, Dark And Deep

    The Woods Are Lovely, Dark And Deep

    Whenever winter starts lumbering into what ought to be its latter stages – usually in March, but sometimes in February...

An Idiot Wind

An Idiot Wind

Given my choice of movies, the execrable Michael Jackson puff piece/pseudo-documentary This Is It would have remained near the bottom of my list, but on a long airplane journey over a cloud-obscured ocean, having read all my back issues of the Anderson Valley Advertiser, there wasn’t anything else to distract me from getting out the computer and actually doing some work.

So I had a look.  No more than 10 or 20 minutes, I promised myself, but wound up watching until the credits rolled.  Not because it was better than I’d expected, nor even because it was worse.  It was worse, but not in the compulsively fascinating train wreck sense.  No, this fell into Hannah Arendt banality-of evil territory, following a couple dozen basically decent Americans into shameless liars and sycophants merely by the mere proximity of the shuffling zombie still desperately marketing himself as “The King Of Pop.”

Having made my own living in the field of pop music, I’m no one to sneer at grandiose and misconceived claims.  I’ve said overly extravagant things about my own favorite entertainers, and not just those I was trying to sell to the public.  But the nature of “pop” is so insubstantial – when done right, there’s nothing beneath the surface but more surface – that proclaiming oneself king of it is both ludicrous and pathetic.  I mean, do you remember the cool kids at school having to tell you they were cool?

“It’s like the church of rock and roll,” declared the director, a potbellied schlump who looked like his last substantive contact with rock and roll had been around 1975, if ever.  Trying to drive that point home, he finished the film with an ersatz prayer circle: dancers, musicians, singers, stagehands, and costume designers holding hands and bowing their heads in reverence to the Genius™ that was Michael Jackson.

“Was” being the operative word.  The poor creature, who we now know was narcotized to the eyeballs throughout the entire grim affair, wandered in and out of focus, always a half step behind or ahead of his supporting cast.  I was reminded of seeing Rudolf Nureyev near the close of his career, when one of the 20th century’s greatest dancers could do little more than walk through his role.  When he summoned the strength to do a brief, attenuated version of a classic Nureyev twirl or leap, the crowd – myself included – went wild.  Not for what they were seeing, for it was nothing any competent ballet student couldn’t have managed, but for the memories of greatness, of the glory that had been.

Michael Jackson fans who flocked to see This Is It no doubt felt similarly about their fallen hero.  Unless they were as doped up as he was, they couldn’t have believed they were seeing more than a pale, depressing shadow of what Jackson was capable of before he squandered his health and sanity on a perverse but grimly logical pursuit of the American dream.

To have almost limitless wealth, to be able to possess almost anything imaginable, no matter how pointless or tasteless, to surround yourself with fawning admirers eager to assure you of the unalloyed brilliance of your every word, thought or gesture: what could be more American than that?  Well, winning it in the lottery instead of doing any actual work to obtain it would be, but we can’t fault Michael Jackson in that department.  He worked extremely hard to accomplish what he did, making the sight of him pissing it away all the more painful.

Kind of like America itself these days, eh?  Which is really what’s been on my mind more than the sad but hopefully cautionary tale of Jackson’s descent into the abyss.  I’ve always had a penchant for the apocalyptic: when, as a lad of 9 or 10 I first encountered the story of the fall of Rome, I set out to write a novel, set in the year 3000, that featured archeologists excavating the ruins of America and musing on the reasons for its demise.

Sadly, my ambition was outstripped by inertia, as has often been the case; otherwise I might have a manuscript readymade for what I’m told is a burgeoning market in collapsing empire lit.  Growing up, I took a similar view – a “This Is It” perspective, you might say – of the civil turmoil of the late 60s, the economic upheaval of the 70s, Reaganism and its attendant evils in the 80s.  A few more mind-altering drugs and I would have been the bearded loon parading up Market Street with “The End Is Near” emblazoned on my placard.

As you may have noted, the end never quite arrived, and once I’d gotten over my disappointment (the child in me clung tenaciously, well into adulthood, to the notion that chaos and collapse would be, you know, exciting and fun), I had to adjust to the idea that perhaps I was going to get old after all, and that silly things like health insurance and Social Security and a safe, warm place to live could one day become important to me.

Well, here we are: although I haven’t yet needed health insurance I’m sufficiently afraid of not having it that I fork over 10% of my annual income to a rapacious corporation that uses the profits garnered from captive consumers like myself to sabotage any possibility of meaningful health care reform.  Social Security?  In theory, trillions of dollars are set aside to pay for the retirements of this and future generations; in practice, we spent all that money long ago on tax cuts for the fabulously rich and fantastically ill-conceived and mismanaged wars.  A safe, warm place to live?  So far, I’m all right, but plenty of people aren’t, and with cities and states stripped of their resources and national bankruptcy looming – hell, if we didn’t have such a powerful army, the world would have stopped accepting our checks years ago – I don’t want to count on things staying that way.

It’s ironic, I suppose, that just when I’d finally put aside my lifelong fascination with the apocalypse – indeed, when I’d started advising young people that it always looks like the end when you’ve got your whole future in front of you – I find myself feeling pessimistic about the future in a way I never have before.  It’s not so much the threat of nuclear-armed terrorists, though that’s hardly comforting, nor an economy founded upon smoke and mirrors, nor even the various forms of environmental catastrophe staring us in the face.

No, what really terrifies me is the rising tide of idiocy that seems to have been let loose upon the land.  Oh, I know, crassness, sensationalism, bombast and self-importance have always been an intrinsic and sometimes even charming part of the American character.  The same goes for wacky political parties and screwy religious cults: a level-headed, sober and circumspect society we’ve never been, and I suspect most Americans prefer it that way.  Besides, that streak of bull-headed madness has developed in close parallel with the idealism and innovation that has helped us weather and even profit from past crises and challenges.

But when I refer to the idiocy presently stalking the land, I’m not talking about the garden-variety stupidity and tastelessness, that floods into our homes via hundreds of cable channels or has the director of the aforementioned Michael Jackson excrescence declaring, “This is the most extraordinary event of my creative life.”  No, I’m thinking of idiocy in the sense it was first used by the Greeks, to whom an idiot was a person possessed by the fantasy that he lived in a world of his own, free of connection or obligation to society.

The lunatic right – I hesitate to use the term “right,” because it implies a connection to classical conservatism, which, think what you may of it, was at least a respectable ideology founded on rational premises – makes an easy target here, but while egregious, it’s hardly the only offender.  Demagogues of the Glenn Beck/Sarah Palin ilk find it easy to inflame the poorly educated but sometimes justifiably aggrieved ranks of teabaggers, but the left has not covered itself with glory, either.  Even Barack Obama, that embodiment of cool, calm intellect and reason, shows distressing signs of becoming what no one would have imagined: an affirmative action president.

Oh, he’s adequate to the job, all right.  More than adequate.  But despite his undeniable brilliance, he seems content to coast through with a B average.  A high B perhaps, and during ordinary times, it would be enough to mark him out as a decent, even a very good president.  But the times we are muddling through demand an A+ president, an FDR or a Lincoln.  Not only does Obama appear unable or unwilling to step his game up to that level; a perusal of the political landscape doesn’t reveal anybody who could.

Finding a way out of our present impasse will require something like the unified sense of purpose with which we responded to the Great Depression or the Second World War.  In its place we get a crescendo of, “Why should I have to pay taxes?” coupled with, “But don’t you dare cut my benefits.”

Much merriment has been made at the expense of protesters who demand that the government stay out of their Medicare or who view the attempt to provide them with affordable health insurance as a Stalinist plot, but once again, ignorance exists across the board.  The right is up in arms – literally, in some cases – against Obama for attempting to impose “socialism” on the USA; the left is ready to jettison him because he hasn’t issued executive orders ending unemployment, imposing single payer health care, and providing free marijuana for all.

Meanwhile, bridges and roads fall to bits, public transportation and schools are gutted, services that remained part of the civic structure even in the darkest days of the Depression are cut back or canceled because “we can’t afford them” anymore.  We are still, by any measure, the richest country in the history of the world, but we suffer from desperate poverty, and not just in the physical sense.  Our imagination and our vision, our can-do attitude and our must-do sense of responsibility have gone missing, or, perhaps more to the point, been sold for a mess of pottage.

Am I too easily discouraged?  Mistaking a momentary blip on the horizon for a dire and inescapable fate?  I hope that’s the case, that in a few years we’ll be able to smile about those dark days when our future was mortgaged to the Chinese, people seriously believed Sarah Palin was qualified to be president, and a pathetic, drug-addicted manchild like Michael Jackson represented the apotheosis of modern culture.  I’m hoping, but I’m not holding my breath.

Spy Rock Memories, Part 3

Spy Rock Memories, Part 3

Off to do some work with my pickax and my guitar (!?) in hand.

All right, maybe I exaggerated a little bit. There were a few weeks of spring before summer hit with full superheated force. As I was to learn (and re-learn, year after year), freezing weather can and probably will put in at least a token appearance any time up until late May. For that matter, by the time I’d spent a few years on Iron Peak, I’d seen snow – not necessarily sticking to the ground, but definitely snow – in every month of the year except July.

Life in the mountains can get downright elemental, in the classical sense. Nearly everything comes down to some version of earth, air, fire and water, with the latter two being the most critical. In winter fire is your friend and water (whether in frozen or liquid form) your enemy. In summer the situation is reversed; in the tinder-dry hills an accidental spark can turn into a conflagration, wiping out in an afternoon what it’s taken years or decades to build, and maintaining an adequate water supply becomes a constant and vital quest.

I’d been warned in advance about the importance of keeping on top of the water situation, but had a hard time taking it as seriously as people seemed to think I should. Whether in the form of snow or rain, we typically got between 50 and 100 inches of precipitation annually, and during the time – between October and April – when most of it was falling, it was difficult to believe that a shortage of water could ever be a problem.

After months of overflowing creeks and culverts and washed out roads, after being cut off from the world for weeks at a time by mountains of snow, it was tempting, once the sun came out, to sit back and watch the flowers grow. Water was everywhere, not the muddy, destructive torrents of winter, but fresh, clear, sparkling and benevolent water. You could hear it crashing over the rocks in the creeks and streams, see it oozing out of the ground and collecting into rivulets that followed the contours of every hillside.

Our storage tank was full to overflowing without any effort on my part, thanks to a hydraulic ram pump placed in the creek at the bottom of the hill. A ram pump collects water as it rushes downhill and sends it through a pipe about 100 feet long, at the end of which it strikes a valve with sufficient force to trap a little water on the uphill side of the valve. Repeat a few thousand times and you’ve got a steady trickle of water flowing into your tank at the top of the hill.

Supposedly this was technology that dated back to the Romans, which made me wonder why more people didn’t use it. The pump was put together with parts available at any plumbing supply store, needed no electricity or other outside power source, worked tirelessly night and day, and provided more water than we could possibly use.

Until, that is, summer set in and the creek started drying up. The ram didn’t need much water to keep working – a pool five or six inches deep was sufficient as long as the mouth of the intake pipe was always submerged. But the minute it protruded above the water, however momentarily, air got into the line and the pump stopped. No big deal in itself; I could restart it by hand in a matter of seconds. Not counting, of course, the 20-25 minutes it took to make the journey down to the creek and back up again.

When Udo showed me how this worked, he made a crack about how both of us would still be clambering up and down that hillside when we were 80 years old. That sounded kind of cool. Until, that is, the first few hundred times I’d repeated the journey.

Sometimes, especially on days when it wasn’t too hot and I wasn’t in a hurry, it was almost fun. Kind of like playing in the woods when I was boy, forging new trails, jumping over rocks and tree stumps, sliding on my backside when the hill got too steep to keep my balance. And as a child I’d always loved playing in the water, something I was to get many opportunities to do that summer.

The trick to keeping a sufficient pool around the intake pipe was to dig deep into the creek and then build a dam to hold the water in. But just piling up a bunch of rocks or dirt wouldn’t come close to doing the job. This dam had to be seriously watertight.

The creek bed was lined with stones of all shapes, sizes and colors, ranging from pebbles to boulder, and I hesitate even to guess how many of them I moved that summer and the summers that followed. They mostly stayed put during the dry season, but when the winter rains turned the placid creek into a raging torrent, stones so heavy I couldn’t budge them would be tossed every which way, frequently burying my pipes and pump.

There was a miraculous substance, a bluish-colored clay that could be found in pockets in the creek bed. It would most often turn up near the blue rocks that had given the creek its semi-official name, and I suspected, though never proved, that the clay was in the process of hardening into rocks, or possibly the other way around. When wet, it was as malleable as the clay I’d played with as a child, and I’d use it like mortar to line the cracks between the rocks making up my dam. As it dried, it would harden and turn light gray. But wet or dry, it did the job and kept the water where it needed to be.

But finally, sometime in mid-July, even my most herculean efforts could no longer maintain enough of a reservoir to keep the ram pump going. Then it was time to switch over to the electric pump, which, while it could deliver water at a much faster rate, had its own set of problems, the most serious being that while the ram pump would harmlessly stop if it ran out of water, the electric pump would quickly overheat and destroy itself.

Then, too, there was the problem of electricity. While the house was mainly powered by solar panels, we did have a cranky but semi-reliable generator as a backup battery charger and for running heavy machinery. A couple hundred feet of wire had been strung through the woods, but getting water was seldom as simple as turning on the generator and flipping a switch.

No, first there always had to be at least one trip down the hill to ensure there was enough water in the reservoir and, if necessary, to prime the pump. If all was in order, I could shout up to Anne to start the generator, but once it was running, she wouldn’t be able to hear me any longer, so further communication required a trip back up the hill.

At least half the time, further communication was essential: either the electricity wasn’t coming through, or the pump lost its prime, or a part had broken that could only be replaced via a trip to town. On a good day I’d be up and down that hill two or three times, on a not so good day, five or ten. And once every couple weeks, there’d be a day when, despite climbing back and forth from dawn to dark, nothing would work and I’d fall into bed with not so much as a drop of water to show for my labors.

Knife throwing at a Sunday get-together. Note the homemade buckskin jacket. He had matching pants as well.

Plumbing-wise, we had a pretty nice setup compared with many mountain houses: not only did we have an indoor toilet, but also a shower and bathtub, a fully functioning kitchen, and outdoor hookups for watering the lawn and gardens. If you didn’t know that the water was coming from a tank situated a couple dozen yards up the hill, it wouldn’t have seemed much different from living in the city, where having limitless amounts of water at your beck and call was as simple as turning a tap.

But the 1,200 gallons our tank held wouldn’t go far in the heat of a Mendocino summer. It seldom got as warm as it did down in town, where 100-degree days were routine, but my old-fashioned round metal thermometer advertising a local butcher (“Meats With Your Approval”) regularly registered in the upper 80s and low 90s. That was in the shade, the cool and gentle shade that surrounded the house itself, thanks to a grove of fir, pine and live oak that had been spared the logger’s ax.

Out in the sun, it was a different story: the fields where everything had been growing with science fiction-like rapidity – I sometimes dreamed that the grasping tendrils of runaway vegetation had enfolded the house and were pushing their way in through the windows – went from green to yellow, and then brown. The earth turned from mud to hardened clay to desiccated clumps that crumbled into dust underfoot.

The only thing that would keep this process at bay was water, and plenty of it. That first summer we had a smallish vegetable garden, some flowers, the fruit trees, and the fir and pine seedlings I’d planted out on the hillsides. The seedlings were too widely spaced to water by hand, and most of them didn’t make it, but all the fruit trees survived, and our tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, carrots, corn, peas and cucumbers produced abundantly. Oh, and of course Anne’s half dozen marijuana plants, tucked away in a semi-shady corner just below the house.

To keep all this going, plus, of course, our personal needs, five to six hundred gallons of water a day would have been ideal, but through drip irrigation and careful husbandry, we kept it down to three or four hundred. Even still, that meant we could never have more than a three or four day cushion. If the pump stayed out of commission longer than that, or the tank failed, the little oasis we’d carved out of the arid hillside would vanish far more quickly than it had appeared.

Luckily that never happened, although there were some close calls, especially when a part on the pump motor shattered (almost taking out my eye) and we had to wait over the weekend for a replacement. But by August, after living in what had felt like crisis mode for several months, I began to feel as though I could relax once in a while.

Things, even potentially disastrous things, continued to go wrong, but no longer bothered me as much. I had begun to learn that there was usually help of some kind at hand. Udo, who generally knew what to do about plumbing and electrical problems, stopped by often, and there were other neighbors I found I could call on in an emergency. And Anne not only had an ability with mechanical things that far outstripped my own, she also had a real talent for improvising solutions out of spare parts and scraps.

Spy Rock kids on an Easter egg hunt.

She’d done wonders with the house, making curtains, hanging pictures and handmade decorations, and assembling most of the furniture and accoutrements of country living through a careful culling of every thrift shop on the North Coast. My own decorating achievements were a bit more nebulous: I bought a couple dozen sets of cheap wind chimes in San Francisco’s Chinatown and a box of several hundred crystal prisms from some hippie supply store and hung them in trees all over the land.

The mountain winds were hard on the chimes, and they had to be replaced frequently, but the crystals endured for decades. 20 years down the line I could be walking on some remote corner of the property and find my eye stabbed by an intense, piercing ray of pure colored light. People laughed at me for spending what would turn out to be several hundred dollars decorating the forest, but I wasn’t bothered: the tinkling bells and unpredictable flashing rainbows transformed an already beautiful place into a magical one.

Another thing making life less stressful was that I’d become acquainted with what people routinely referred to as “mountain time.” In its most common usage, this was the principle that everything took at least twice as long as you’d expect it to, and that anything or anybody you were waiting for might show up an hour, a day, or a week late. Or not at all.

That could be annoying sometimes, at least until you got used to it, but mountain time had its charming aspects, too. You could be clearing brush down by the road and wave to a passing neighbor, who’d stop and engage you in a conversation that might last the rest of the morning, or could result in him enlisting you to help pull a car out of a ditch which might then turn into a dinner invitation and a night spent sitting around strumming guitars and swapping stories. That brush wouldn’t clear itself, true, but it would be patiently waiting for you when you showed up again the next morning.

Our nearest neighbors lived about a mile either side of us, and we got to know them pretty well that summer. Jim and Jenny had built an A-frame out of logs and a corrugated steel roof, tucked so deeply into the woods that from the road you’d never guess it was there. Jim was a Willie Nelson lookalike and sound-alike – albeit a couple decades younger – who at the drop of a coonskin hat (he actually had one) would have his guitar down and be plinking away at “Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain.”

They had two daughters, Sarah and Jennifer, who would have been about 5 and 10 at the time, the former shy and the latter not so much. Jenny’s sister Linda lived in the house below us, along with her husband Frank, Jr. and their children Lori and Frank III, known to everyone as Tre. Frank had been a helicopter pilot in Vietnam, whose job had been to drop Agent Orange across the jungle. The mountains of Northern Mendocino must have seemed about as far as a guy could get from those traumatic days. And for a while, at least, they were.

And here's where the Easter eggs were hiding.

I’d met most of our neighbors in passing, but started getting to know them better one hot midsummer afternoon when Anne and I trekked down to the swimming hole, known as Snake Lake because of the bright green water snakes that loved to swim between your legs the minute you dived in. That took a little getting used to, but it didn’t keep anyone out of Snake Lake for long, not even the dogs, who splashed and swam as happily as the people.

This particular afternoon most of the women from our side of the mountain were there, along with their kids and assorted cousins and playmates. I already knew Udo and Josie’s children, Kain and Kira, but it was the first time I’d properly met Jennifer, Sarah, Tre, and about half a dozen other kids. They struck me as better behaved and more mature than the kids I was used to in the city, more at ease with adults, and at the same time, more carefree and playful. Kids, in other words, who weren’t embarrassed about being kids.

That was the beginning – though it would take a while – of our acceptance into Spy Rock society. As we got to know people, it became obvious that our arrival on the mountain hadn’t initially been greeted with enthusiasm. Considering that Anne and I had often been considered weirdos even on the multifarious sidewalks of San Francisco, it shouldn’t have been surprising that our short hair, our punky/new wave clothes, and our failure to conform to conventional gender roles would raise eyebrows and set tongues wagging.

There had been some suspicions that we were narcs, suspicion that presumed the police would be stupid enough to send in a couple of oddballs who stuck out like sore thumbs instead of some long-haired, bearded Deadhead types who would blend right in. But once Anne let it be known that she had her own little marijuana garden, people opened up, offering suggestions about how she could increase her yield. They also wondered aloud why she’d put in so few plants, and why, since marijuana growing was generally seen as men’s work, I hadn’t put in any at all.

When I announced that I had no intention of growing, and that Anne’s patch was more or less a hobby garden, it made us all the stranger by Spy Rock standards. But even still, we began getting invited to mountain parties, which were surprisingly wholesome affairs, not unlike a cross between the barn-raisings of pioneer times (on one occasion we actually did pitch in to lift and affix a new wall to somebody’s house) and old-fashioned church socials.

The kids would go tearing through the woods or swinging from ropes hanging in the trees, while the men shuffled their feet in the dust and muttered laconically about engine troubles or the latest rumors of marijuana busts. The ladies talked about each other’s relationships and bemoaned the absence of any decent culture or shopping north of Santa Rosa.

Someone would start playing some music, or targets would be set up for an ax and knife throwing competition, and the festivities would roll on into the night, with the children falling asleep in corners or the back seats of cars. Finally, as it got toward midnight, someone would start a general exodus by declaring, “Hoo boy, time I should be going, I’ve got to be up at the crack of dawn to patch that old leaky pump line.” 20 minutes later all would be silent again, as if the songs and laughter and voices had been no more than a fleeting illusion.

When I say silent, I mean, of course, silent of human sounds. Night times, especially summer night times, provided such a raucous symphony of crickets and owls and mysterious rustles and crackling twigs that it’s a wonder anyone could sleep. The only time you might know people inhabited those hills at all was when the whine and rumble of someone’s truck making a late night return from town came echoing down the canyon.

As summer winds down, tension ratchets up around the various homesteads. There’s the perennial question of whether the water will hold out, the race to get enough firewood cut and seasoned in time for winter, the dilemma of what do with the tomatoes and zucchini and cucumbers that in those last golden days seem to ripen faster than you can pick them.

Most of all, there’s the nervousness, the edginess – sometimes the sheer terror – centered around how well – or if – the marijuana harvest will come in. A stranger seen on the roads sends ripples of paranoia through the community: does he belong to a gang of thieves scoping out their next ripoff, or, worse, could he be the advance guard of a police invasion that might not only seize that year’s crop, but also haul Dad and Mom off to jail and the kids into Child Protective Services?

Nowadays, when everybody and his Aunt Tillie is a “medical marijuana provider,” the threat of prison has receded for all but the biggest commercial growers, but at that time, jail was still a real possibility for people caught growing anything at all. Granted, it was happening less and less as the sheer number of growers began to overwhelm the authorities’ ability to pursue them, and as the summer of 1982 gave way to the all-important harvest season, it seemed they’d given up altogether.

There were, as always, moments of panic when a low-flying plane or helicopter circled overhead, but actual police raids were few and far between. From worrying about whether they’d make it through the harvest unscathed, growers switched to complaining that if they’d known law enforcement was going to give them such an easy time this year, they’d have planted twice as much.

As for me, I had constant blisters on my hands from splitting firewood, but it looked like I might have just about enough put away, provided we used it carefully and the winter wasn’t unusually cold. I had muscles I’d never had before, and a slowly growing confidence that yes, maybe I could survive in this environment, as improbable as that had seemed only a few months earlier.

Several mountain kids, one mom, Ruf-Ruf, and a pile of firewood cut by yours truly.

I still managed to set off a chimney fire the first time I used the stove that fall, but only a minor one, and easily dealt with. My satisfaction was also tempered by the realization that all summer long I’d mostly been playing catch-up. Do a thorough weeding of the garden and two days later the weeds would be back, bigger than ever. Get the pump working and the tank filled to the brim? By morning a fitting might have come loose or a gopher could have chewed a hole in a hose, and 1,200 gallons of hard-won water had disappeared into the parched hillside.

In the spring, I’d noticed black raspberry bushes growing wild everywhere, and I’d watched their progress through May and June, imagining the buckets of fruit I’d pick. Why, we’d probably be able to can enough to last us through the winter. The berries started ripening around the Fourth of July, and within a week were gone, either eaten by animals or shriveled by the hot sun. I managed to collect one small saucepan’s worth.

Similarly, one of my newly planted trees unexpectedly produced a couple dozen cherries. I never tasted one of them; again, the birds, who’d been keeping as sharp an eye on them as I had, and who got up a lot earlier, nabbed every one of them. That symbolized the summer for me: long on promise, short on delivery, except when it came to sweat, dust, and backbreaking work.

But still, we’d survived, confounding not only my own expectations, but also those of neighbors who, I later learned, had been all but taking bets on how long the punk rock city slickers would last. Anne’s marijuana crop came in, not in great quantities, but enough to keep her happy for a few months. The hillsides and forests turned multiple shades of red and gold and purple, and October delivered a series of deliciously warm days during which the land itself seemed to stretch languorously and luxuriantly under the last rays of the fast fading sun.

Before the month was finished, cold winds swept in from the northeast, and by November the upper peaks of the Yolla Bollys had acquired their first coating of snow. November’s bits of snow did not last long on our own mountains, but December’s did, and by mid-month, north-facing sections of the road were covered with diabolically slippery ice that wouldn’t fully melt until spring.

View from the top of the driveway as winter begins to set in.

I had traded in the ridiculous little Honda I’d brought to the mountains in favor of a 4WD Subaru, but still had a harrowing experience involving a steep cliff, an iced-over road, and sheer, heart-stopping panic. For about half an hour I was marooned inches from the edge. No matter whether I tried to go backward or forward, every time I let go of the brake the car would start sliding sideways toward oblivion. Shoveling some rocks and sand under the wheels finally saved the day, but only just.

Our house had high ceilings, so I was able to lop the top ten feet or so off a Doug fir to serve as our Christmas tree. With the sun now spending most of its time behind clouds, trees and ridge tops, our solar system was hardly able to keep up with the demands of several strings of lights, but we lit them anyway, casting a multicolored glow up and down the side of the mountain. I loved to walk to the top of the driveway, about a quarter mile away, and look back down at this beacon, this haven of light and good cheer tucked tidily away in the snow-covered forest.

On Christmas Day, my parents and brothers came up from the city. They were hours late, and when my father finally walked in, he was ranting about the idiocy of anyone who would choose to live “on some stupid mountain in the middle of nowhere.” As often happened to people not equipped with four wheel drive and/or tire chains, he’d had no trouble driving down one hill, but found himself hopelessly stuck when he’d tried driving back up the next one.

Thankfully, some neighbors had come to the rescue and delivered him to us, flustered and exasperated but otherwise unharmed. We stretched out the table as far as it would go to accommodate the extended family, some 10 or 12 of us, not counting the baby my sister was expecting in the new year. It was as Norman Rockwell a Christmas as I’d ever been involved in, and my heart sang as I stepped outdoors late that night for some fresh air.

Some new snow was falling, but gently, ever so gently, and the woods, perfectly silent and still, were at once both dark and luminous. There would be more struggles, I knew, more trials and undoubtedly some dramatic, even disastrous failures. But for that moment, at least, I knew I was exactly where I needed and wanted to be, and that nowhere else in the world could possibly feel so right. Against all odds, I thought, we’d come to this wilderness and made it our home.

To be continued…

The Woods Are Lovely, Dark And Deep

The Woods Are Lovely, Dark And Deep

Whenever winter starts lumbering into what ought to be its latter stages – usually in March, but sometimes in February – there will be a moment when my senses play a trick on me, when despite all evidence and logic to the contrary, I become convinced that winter is effectively over.

Usually when I start feeling this way, there will be at least a hint of warmth in the air, or the snow will have temporarily melted away to reveal bare earth and the tangled dead remains of last year’s vegetation.  In other words, there will be something that evokes, however tenuously, the promise of spring.

But tonight there were no such harbingers, not even of the most illusory sort.  On the contrary, it looked as though winter were just getting settled in for a lengthy if not permanent stay.  Yesterday’s slush and snow had frozen solid in the wake of the wind that swept down from the north early this morning, and people swept by in their fur hats and trailing scarves.  Nobody seemed in a mood to stop and savor the crisp evening air.

Yet there I was crossing the street when suddenly I felt it.  Since I was only traveling a hundred yards or so, I hadn’t bothered with a hat or gloves, or even with fully zipping up my jacket, and yet I wasn’t the slightest bit cold.  If you’d asked me to sit down right there on the pavement and have a leisurely chat or even a picnic, I would have unhesitatingly agreed.  Winter had not just lost its sting, it had become wholly irrelevant.

Here are the facts of the matter: the temperature was 28 degrees Fahrenheit, -2 Celsius, and forecast to remain in that general vicinity for at least the next 10 days.  The date was the 11th of February, a full 37 days before the ostensible arrival of spring, and no doubt longer than that before the city fully emerges from its frozen slumber.

But the facts had been driven deep beneath the waves of memory and fate: for me, in that moment, winter had ended.  No doubt it will be back again, probably as soon as I poke my head out my front door again, but for now, it is as nothing to me.

You’d think this would be an exhilarating feeling, but actually it’s a bit scary and depressing, kind of like being intoxicated enough to forget one’s troubles while remaining sufficiently clear-headed to know that things will almost certainly be worse in the morning.

I’m reminded of a similar experience, this time on a night in early March, when spring really did seem to be in sight, and the clouds hung so low over the treetops that they seemed like woolen blankets swathing the world, or at least our little corner of it, in preternatural warmth.  I was in Ohio, hanging out in a voluptuous pine forest carpeted with several inches of exquisitely soft needles that begged me to lie forever wrapped in their embrace.

How did I come to be there?  Perhaps it matters, perhaps not, but if you happened to read This Day In History: February 4, 1968, you might recall that after a spot of bother with the local constabulary I had found it necessary to leave town in order to avoid further unpleasantness, and that not long afterward, still more unpleasantness ensued, in the form of a visit from the FBI.

Having narrowly escaped their clutches, I spent a sleepless night in a $2 skid row hotel, wedging my bed up under the doorknob to keep the howling winos and predatory lunatics at bay.  In the morning, I hacked off my hair with nail scissors and dyed what was left of it black before boarding a bus for Ohio, where a friend had told me I could hide out until things blew over.

He hadn’t thought this plan through very well, nor had I.  There was no place for me to stay, and I had spent the last of my money on my bus ticket.  We walked the streets of his sleepy little town, grateful at least that the weather had turned unusually mild, and gradually being joined by the handful of other countercultural types – perhaps eight or ten of them altogether – who lived there.

They didn’t often encounter out-of-town hippies, especially ones who were fugitives from justice and had chosen to go “underground,” so they were excited to meet me, and eager to show me what passed for a good time around those parts.  This turned out to involve shoplifting bottles of cough medicine from the local pharmacy and guzzling it for its semi-psychedelic effect.

By the time we were fully under its influence, night had fallen and we’d wandered into the aforementioned pine forest.  I don’t know what part my chemically altered perceptions played in this, but it felt like the most magical place I had ever been.  I took off my ragged army coat and threw it to the ground, convinced that I would never need it again.  “It’s perfect here,” I whispered.  “We could live here forever.”

“Yeah, we could,” the others agreed.  “We should go get some extra clothes and some food and just stay right here.  This is way better than living in a boring old house.”

“No,” I said, realizing the spell would be broken if anybody left, even for a few minutes.  “Forget extra clothes or food.  Everything we need is right here, under the trees.”  I lay back and moved my arms to and fro, making a pine needle version of a snow angel.  Soon everybody was doing the same.  We couldn’t stop marveling at how soft the forest floor was, how warm the night, how nearly in reach of our fingertips the sky.

Hours passed, and hard upon the echoing whine of a distant train whistle came the sound of a clock striking midnight somewhere.  A chill that hadn’t been there before seemed to settle over the forest, followed by rustlings and stirrings of restlessness in the pine needles around me.

“Yeah, I should probably get going,” someone said.  “My parents will be wondering what happened to me.”

“Me too, I’ve still got homework I have to do before morning.”

One by one they made their excuses and drifted away, despite my pleas and protests.  “How can you give up already?” I kept asking.  “Don’t you see, we really could live here forever.”

Then only three of us were left, and I could tell that my remaining companions were anxious to be gone as well.  The night really had gotten chillier now, and I reluctantly retrieved my coat from where I had thrown it.

“You’re not going to leave me all alone here in the woods, are you?” I asked.

“You know, it’s not really much of a woods,” one of them said.  “More like a big vacant lot.  Can’t you see there are houses on either side and across the street?”

I hated him for saying that, but it was true.  And I could tell that it really pained him to leave me out there in the cold, but that within a few minutes he was going to work up the courage to do it anyway.  He started to say something, stopped, then began again.

“In my parents’ backyard there’s a treehouse.  You could sleep in it, as long as you can be super quiet so they don’t hear you climbing up there.”

The other boy said, “Yeah, that wouldn’t be so bad.  In fact I’ll stay there with you, at least until it gets light.  But then I have to hurry home before my parents wake up.”

The night seemed to grow warm again, enough so that it no longer mattered that I didn’t have a sleeping bag or even a blanket.  My army coat would be enough to keep me warm, and I lay there feeling at one with the wooden planks that supported me, listening to the sound of the boy snoring a few feet away, and marveling at the idea that I could be sleeping outdoors in the first week of March.

Surely everything was going to be all right from now on.  Why, it would soon be summer, and it wouldn’t matter whether or not I had a house.  The FBI would never find me as long as I slept in treehouses and pine forests, and as for my friends and family, maybe they would come and join me.  After an hour or two of these pleasant fantasies, I felt as though I’d like to go to sleep, but discovered that I couldn’t.  The chemicals still coursing through my body had me in their thrall, to the point where closing my eyes made things brighter rather than darker, and that wasn’t even counting the awful visions that had begun their slow march across my consciousness and conscience.

Around 2 or 3 am I started to shiver; my trusty old army coat was no longer doing its job, and no matter which way I twisted or turned, I couldn’t get any warmer.  I finally drifted off for an hour or two, awakening to a bleary gray dawn and discovering that while I’d slept, I’d been covered with a light dusting of snow.

The boy who’d spent the night nearby was hurriedly leaving, fearful that his parents would discover he hadn’t been home all night, and I too would have to beat a hasty retreat before someone in the house spotted me.  Too late: below me the kitchen light came on, and I lay motionless for the better part of an hour, watching various members of the family drink their coffee, butter their toast, and pick at their eggs and bacon.

Finally the last of them left and I was free to make my own escape.  It was a Monday morning, but had the feeling of a Sunday, empty, lost, hopeless, and above all, frozen in body as well as soul.  I walked the streets for another day before someone took me in, and as though I had been the groundhog descrying his shadow, winter settled back in for another six weeks, lasting until the middle of April, when a freak snowstorm buried the tentative green shoots of spring and sent me into a slough of despair that would linger well into summer.

But I lived, after a fashion, and I learned, again after a fashion, that cherish them as I may, my senses could and would lie to me at every opportunity.  And that no matter how many times they did, I would never give up wanting, ever so much, to believe them.

Snow What?

Snow What?

Granted, when it comes to snow we’re in a better position than Vancouver to host the Winter Olympics, but nonetheless, yesterday’s much-ballyhooed “blizzard,” which closed down schools, offices, stores, airports, and transit systems even before a single flake had fallen, turned out to be nothing but a run-of-the-mill snowstorm, the sort of thing you’d expect anyone who’d grown up in the northern half of the country to have gotten used to by the time they were in middle school. I’m talking specifically about New York City, of course; people down the coast in Philly, Baltimore and Washington actually did have to contend with some serious snow, but as I kept asking people yesterday: when did this town turn into such a quivering mass of sissydom?  (“In 1995,” someone helpfully pointed out on my Facebook.) Maybe it’s not fair of me to make comparisons after my years in the mountains, where I experienced a number of real blizzards, and nearly died in one (but more about that in future installments of Spy Rock Memories), but to be a blizzard, a storm has to have howling winds, near-zero visibility, and snowdrifts piling up faster than you can dig your way through them.  None of this happened in New York yesterday.  Some snow fell out of the sky for a few hours, then it turned to a sort of misty half snow/half rain, and, well, that was about it. The National Weather Service, which unleashed all this hysteria, claims that some parts of the city got over a foot of snow, but in my journeys between Brooklyn and Manhattan (on near-empty trains, what with everyone being convinced that travel was next to impossible) , I never saw more six or eight inches, and by midnight last night, much of that had turned to slush as temperature rose into the mid-30s.  A friend who lives just off Times Square told me that the sidewalks had never even been completely covered. By morning, the temperature had dropped and the slush turned to ice, which sucked for those who had put off their shoveling duties.  Other than that, though, the sun shone brightly and the city was free to go about its business as usual, or at least will be as soon as people muster up the courage to venture outside again. Which brings me to one sore point, i.e., the plane I was meant to be taking to California today being canceled (again, almost before any snow had even fallen).  If the city can sufficiently clear hundreds of miles of streets so that cars can travel around (and there was never a time, even at the height of the storm yesterday, when even my side street was impassable, surely the airport can manage to shovel enough snow off its runways to allow planes to take off.  I’ve flown into places like Chicago, Minneapolis and Winnipeg when there were two feet of freshly fallen snow.  As became clear later, it wasn’t a matter of planes being unable to get in and out of New York, is was more a matter of the airlines not being willing even to try. Be that as it may, the decision was made, the flights were canceled, and that should have been that.  When I got the call from American Airlines telling me I wouldn’t be going to California after all, the woman on the phone sounded so harried and overwhelmed that I instantly sympathized with her and tried to be as understanding as possible.  I shouldn’t have. Other friends who had similar experiences ranted and raved until they were rerouted and given huge vouchers to compensate them for their troubles.  I instead took the lady’s word for it when she said that there were “no seats” on any flights going out either today or Friday.  Again, I shouldn’t have. The reason I was going to California was that some friends of mine have a band who are playing one of their very occasional shows (every couple years or so, sometimes not even that often) and I wanted to see them and take my nephew to see them.  I also would have the chance to see my mom for a couple days.  I called everyone and told them I wouldn’t be able to come after all, and shortly afterward, friends who were going to the same show started telling me that they’d been able to get their tickets changed and wondered why I hadn’t. Well, I did a little research and discovered that the lady from American Airlines has straight up lied to me.  She said there weren’t any seats on later planes, but there actually were.  Funny thing, though: instead of selling them for $125 each way, which was what I had paid, they were now asking between $1500 and $2000 for those same seats.  No wonder they hadn’t been too anxious to transfer me to another flight

American Airlines website, 12 hours after they swore there were "no seats" available for the next two days.

Well, live and learn. Until this happened, I’d been reasonably happy with American (“reasonably” and “happy” of course being employed in the necessarily relative sense necessary when dealing with any monolithic semi-monopolistic corporation). I’d switched to them from United when that company went into the dumpster (and stopped flying direct between New York and London, which is kind of like not being able to catch a direct BART train from Berkeley to San Francisco except at peak hours, but I digress), and until now, I’d never had any truly bad experiences with them. Oh, I’ll get over it; I’m sure my friends’ band will play again sometime, somewhere, and I’ll see my mom another time, and take my nephew on a different outing, but it really just rubs me the wrong way. You hear that, American Airlines? I DON’T LIKE BEING LIED TO! So you made some extra money reselling the seat I should have had for 12 or 15 times what I paid for it. It’s going to cost you a lot more than that to regain my trust and good will.

Super, Just Super

Super, Just Super

No, this isn’t really about the Super Bowl, though congratulations are in order to the New Orleans Saints for a gutsy performance and well-deserved victory.  I only saw about half the game, having attached a greater priority to the Chelsea-Arsenal match broadcast earlier in the day, and then lollygagging about the house all afternoon instead of a) getting out to the park to do my running and t’ai chi; and b) writing this piece I’m finally getting around to now at 3 o’clock in the morning.

At some point in my life I developed the notion that exercise doesn’t really count unless it’s done first thing in the morning, which gave me the perfect excuse, on those many occasions when I didn’t rise until it was getting on toward noon, to tell myself, “Well, there’s no point in bothering with it now, might as well put it off till tomorrow.”  But the other night I ran into Luis of Urban Rustic and Pansy Division, who told me that he could only exercise late in the day and after he’d eaten (another of my superstitions was that exercise didn’t count unless it was done before breakfast).

Now I didn’t necessarily want to switch to his system, but it’s clearly working for him, which in one fell swoop shot down two of my cherished beliefs and, worse, removed any remaining rationalizations for goofing off just because I’d let most of the day get away from me. So there I was bundling up in multiple layers (the temperature was in the upper 20s, but with the wind chill felt more like 10 or so) and setting off for a run in the 6 pm darkness.

It wasn’t bad, actually.  I ended up doing 3 1/2 miles, which is about as much as I’ve ever done, though I feel ready to step it up a notch or two.  It was a little harder to stay warm when I shifted to t’ai chi, which entails more standing around or moving rather slowly, and it was during this time that a fierce wind kicked up. Or, to be more accurate, the wind that had already kicked up suddenly got a lot more fierce.  In fact it nearly blew me over a couple of times.

Meanwhile, of course, I was missing the first half of the Super Bowl, but it was more fun feeling like Rocky when (I’ve only seen a couple of the movies, so I don’t know if this happens in all of them) he decides he’s going to fight and starts running all over Philadelphia in the freezing cold, etc.  It was all I could do to stop myself from punching my fists in the air at a couple of points, and then what did I see but this husky guy who’d been the only other occupant of the running track, and who’d run alongside me for a mile or so giving me a running commentary (unsolicited but not unwelcome) on his fitness regimen and philosophy, doing the Rocky fist pump himself.

The best thing, though, was the realization that I’m gradually becoming almost impervious to winter. Oh, I’m still looking forward to spring and summer, and if I had my way, New York would bask in tropical heat all year round, but it’s no longer a major issue for me. Walking home after my workout, I took the long way around, and strolled almost as though it were languid midsummer. I’d heard people sing the praises of crystalline winter nights (and generally thought they were imbeciles), but as I left McCarren Park and headed toward Driggs Avenue, it was as though the cable company had come round and given the skyline an upgrade to high def.

Oh, the cable company, that’s been a sore point around here lately.  For months the internet has frequently been cutting out in both my apartment and the one downstairs, to the point where it’s often been unusable.  Many calls and letters, some angst-ridden and some just plain angry, have been exchanged with our local monopoly.  Periodically the service starts working again for two or three weeks before going back to its old tricks.

But they finally seem to have begun taking our situation seriously, as in the past two weeks we’ve had visits from at least a dozen of Time Warner’s finest, including, most recently, several technicians who a) actually appeared to know what they were doing; and b) were not only willing, but eager to deploy this expertise in the cause of resolving our problem.  Saturday afternoon they arrived en masse, three trucks – a fourth later showed up, but I think that was only to jumpstart one of the other trucks whose battery had gone flat – and something like eight technicians were soon clambering over ladders and rooftops and hacking down wires with gay abandon (a couple of them briefly got into a snowball fight, but apart from that it was strictly business).

The neighbors got dragged into it, too; the landlady next door was mad because she had to open the gate and let them into the back without their having an appointment (and after all, as she pointed out, her cable was working just fine), and the super, who also takes care of the building on the other side, was less than thrilled when they managed to knock out cable service to several of the apartments in that building.

And even when all the new wires had been strung and the various crews stood milling around in the street discussing where they might go for coffee, I discovered that my television, which had never had a problem to begin with, was now heavily “pixillated.”  I’d heard the word many times before; my pseudo-Auntie Olive in London regularly used it to describe people who were, in her view, not quite right in the head, but apparently it also refers to televisions whose pictures are having a breakdown.  Oh wait, I just discovered that the correct word for that is “pixellated” or “pixelated,” from, obviously, pixels, whereas Auntie Olive’s term had something to do with pixies.

Anyway, I was told that the TV was doing this because my cable signal was now too strong instead of too weak, but a few more tweaks and I was all set to plop myself in front of it for a Sunday of football, both English and American, should I so choose.  But as it happened, I spent more time twittering away (both figuratively and literally) on the internet, which makes it all the more unconscionable that I didn’t get this work done many hours ago.

What work, you say?  Well, I felt it my duty to report on the massive Don Giovanni Records shindig that I was privileged to attend last night at the Bowery Ballroom.  I had been a little suspicious that DGR honcho Joe Steinhardt might be bumping up the numbers and the hype when he warned people to get tickets in advance because the event might sell out, but as it happened, he was  right on the money. There was as big a crowd shoehorned into the Bowery as there had been for last May’s Green Day show,and my first question on arriving was, “Who are all these people?”

Joe was equally mystified.  “I think I know about 50 of them,” he said, leaving us to ponder where the other six or seven hundred had come from.  I asked friends and acquaintances for their opinion: had the crowd mostly come in from Jersey to see their homegrown label’s big city triumph?  Or had New York punks and hipsters glommed on to the Don Giovanni bandwagon?  The answer, I think, was that the show drew on multiple constituencies.  As the night went on, I spotted Williamsburg scenesters who never previously would have been caught dead at a show I was attending (and vice versa), though a lot of them seemed to disappear after Screaming Females, one of the bands du jour, had played.  But the joint was equally packed for Blake Schwarzenbach’s forgetters, who came as close to replicating the sound and feel of an old-school Jawbreaker show as I would have imagined possible or likely.

I mentioned that to Blake afterward, somewhat tentatively, as musicians generally don’t like to hear that their new band sounds like their old band, but he took it in stride.  “I’ve made my peace with the Jawbreaker legacy,” he said, or words to that effect, which emboldened me to remark how much it annoyed me when bands refused to play their old songs, the ones people had often specifically come hoping to hear.  “Oh, I’ve often been known to do that,” he cheerfully acknowledged.

It was not my first time seeing Screaming Females, but they’ve come a long way since I last encountered them in Maxwell’s or somesuch, and of course the high-powered sound system and wildly enthusiastic crowd didn’t hurt, either.  Critics far more knowledgeable than me have been gushing over them; about all I can add is that lead singer and guitarist Marissa Paternoster sounds uncannily like Siouxsie Sioux backed up by Cream-era Eric Clapton, the twist being, of course, that she plays all the guitar parts herself.  Go ahead and call me sexist if you want, but I have never heard a woman play guitar the way that she does.  For that matter, I haven’t heard many people of either gender play guitar with her style and her virtuosity.  I literally, if I may dredge up an old cliché, stood there with my jaw hanging open at times.

The only critique I might offer is that just because you can play all those notes doesn’t mean you have to.  Many times guitar wizards, at least in my opinion, are best advised to dial it back a bit, concentrate on power chords and only let the lightning out of the bottle at certain special intervals.  When your whole song starts to sound like a Hendrix solo, it can become difficult to sort out verse from chorus from overture and epilogue.  But hey, as Oliver told me, the whole hesher thing is back bigtime, and at any rate, I’m in no position to argue with a roomful of fans who loved every second of it.

I could say much the same for JEFF The Brotherhood.  Normally – no, just about always – when I see a two-piece band setting up, my heart is filled with a mixture of trepidation and weariness.  Art damage ahead, my internal sentinel cries out (for some reason I make an exception for Shellshag, about whom more later).  It’s not that two people can’t play music, and certainly they can do a splendid job of singing (Everly Brothers, Simon and Garfunkel, who could ask for more?), but when you’ve got two people deliberately eschewing the standard instruments and lineup employed by almost every great band there ever was, you kind of have to ask: why?

It’s like training a dog to walk on two legs. Sure, some dogs may get very good at it.  A few might even, with enough practice, might get almost as good as a person or at least a monkey.  But it’s almost a dead cert that no dog will ever learn to do on two legs what he’s capable of on four, and I think the principle holds equally true for musicians.

Granted, both members of JEFF The Brotherhood are extremely talented, both as musicians and performers.  Granted, too, that the crowd went wild for them, especially the young kids, who had a full-on slam pit going.  Note, too, that singer-guitarist Jake Orrall unleashes all his pyrotechnics on a deliberately modified three-string guitar.  Which leaves many admirers saying, “Wow.  Just wow.”  And leaves me thinking, “That’s great, kid.  Now just think what you could do with a real guitar and a bass player.”

As I said, though, the people loved it.  Who cares what I think? Also, I can see this going over very big in Williamsburg. In fact, I believe it already has. Speaking of Brooklyn, Shellshag played last, apparently by their own choice; I felt bad for them, because by the time they took the stage it had gotten so late that the crowd had thinned out considerably.  I didn’t make it to the end of the set myself, pulling out somewhere between 1:30 and 2 am.  The hypnotic, trancelike music that Shellshag specialize in has a charm and appeal that totally transcends the two-person genre, and I think it’s because what they do doesn’t even attempt to mimic traditional music forms the way some of my less favorite duos like, say, the White Stripes, do.  If I were back in Northern California, still smoking pot, and given to doing tribal dances around the campfire (not as far removed from some of my previous incarnations as you might think), I could probably listen to Shellshag all night.  The 21st century New York City version of me, however, wants to get on the subway while there’s still a reasonable chance that one will come soon.

Congratulations once again to Joe Steinhardt and Zach Gajewski for pulling off such a spectacularly successful night.  Despite some of my musical cavils, I had a great time catching up with old friends and new.  I especially appreciate what they’ve done with Don Giovanni, however, because it gives me something to point to when indie label owners start whining about how it’s impossible in the current environment to replicate the kind of success that many indie labels enjoyed in the 80s and 90s.  Difficult, maybe.  Impossible, clearly not.

And with that, I should wrap this up, but one more item: just as I was considering going to bed many hours ago, the most godawful growling, moaning and screeching sounds emerged from under my bedroom window, which happens to face out onto the street.  A lot of drunken hipsters and superannuated frat boys pass by on a typical weekend night, and though few of them produce sounds as loud or obnoxious as the ones I was hearing, they do make a ruckus from time to time.

But unless they decide to stop and have a conversation in front of my house (in which case a bucket of cold water generally works wonders), they come and go pretty quickly; the sounds under my window, however showed no signs of abating.  In fact they seemed to be getting louder. Fearful that somebody’s conceptual art project had gone astray and gotten trapped between houses, I poked my head out the window and saw a disheveled, longhaired man bellowing as he tried to get our front door open.

It was just sounds, not words, and the kind of sounds you would expect to hear from a very sick or wounded dog more so than a human. Prospects for establishing meaningful discourse with him didn’t augur well, but I tried nonetheless: “Yo, get the hell out of here or we’re gonna call the cops.” He growled at me and went back to trying to open the door.

I spoke more firmly, perhaps adding an expletive or two, and then he finally managed to say in English: “I live here.”

“No you don’t. Now please leave. I’m sorry if you’ve got a problem, but you can’t have it here.” I did not sound nearly as reasonable as the words look on the page.

My downstairs neighbor came up, frightened because he’d been kicking at her window. She’d already called the cops, and so we waited while our unwanted visitor started getting undressed (it was 24 degrees at the time).  I don’t know how far he was planning to take it, but when the cops showed up finally (about 15 or 20 minutes; it’s a good thing he wasn’t Jack Nicholson smashing his way through our front door with an ax), he was barefoot and his shirt was half unbuttoned.

Although it took the cops a while to get here, when they finally did, they showed up, perhaps inspired by Time Warner, en masse.  Three cars, six cops, and later an ambulance, which ended up taking the unfortunate souse to a detox unit.  But what I really marveled at was how patient and good-natured the cops were. I’ve heard many people complain about how rude or brutal or unfair New York City cops can be (you might recall a certain spoiled rich kid prefab rock band that had a patently dishonest song to that effect), but I personally have never had a bad experience with them.

And let’s be honest: I was almost hoping they would grab this guy and brusquely, even roughly haul him away.  He’d been out there giving us grief for nearly an hour, and proceeded to do the same to the cops, at one point even raising his hand as if he were ready to fight them. Which would not be a wise move, one of the officers observed in a lilting Caribbean accent.  Now that the malefactor was out in the light, we could see that he wasn’t the wild-eyed wolfman he’d appeared to be while lurking in the shadows; in fact, he was a skinny, extremely drunk hipster and/or recently matriculated college student who had the look and attitude of Westchester or Connecticut money stamped all over his stroppy little hide.

When it finally sunk in that he was surrounded by cops who were about to take him into custody, he managed a remarkable recovery, switching from growls back into English, but it was too little, too late.  He couldn’t come up with any ID except an American Express gold card and couldn’t or wouldn’t tell the police where he lived (instead, he kept pointing at our house).  Despite all of this, the cops spent the better part of half an hour trying to help him come to his senses, trying to get a coherent response from him that would allow them to send him home instead of taking him in.

I’ve always thought that it takes a very special person to be a New York City cop, and after tonight I believe it more than ever. Before they showed up, I was seriously considering taking my mag light (similar to the kind of long flashlights that police use) downstairs and applying some street discipline of my own.  I’m not saying this would be a good idea, but there it was running laps around my head.  Yet while cops have to deal with people like him and much worse day in and day out, they’re still capable of being light-hearted, friendly, helpful and courteous to someone most of us would like to deal with by way of a couple good thumps upside the head.

Anyway, that’s it.  Thanks to the NYPD for restoring peace and justice to our quiet little street, and thanks to any of you who’ve managed to make it all the way through this hypertrophic bit of bloggery. Now if I move quickly I just might make it into bed before the sun comes up.

Bambi-land

Bambi-land

Two Hikers Fend Off Pair Of Mountain Lions,” read the SF Chronicle headline, which turned out to be a misrepresentation; a quick glance at the story revealed that it had in fact been the hikers who were fended off by the lions, who pursued them back to their car and watched as they drove away.

Mountain lion encounters – and occasional attacks, sometimes on humans, more often on pets and livestock – have become more common in California in recent years.  The expansion of human activity into what had previously been lion territory is the reason usually given, but this doesn’t explain why lions have become more active in areas – wooded suburbs, for example – where they haven’t been seen in decades.  An equally if not more plausible explanation would be the ban on the hunting of mountain lions passed by statewide referendum in 1990.

At the time I had a house in what could reasonably be called mountain lion territory.  Although I never personally saw one, neighbors reported having spotted lions on my property, and one girl I knew had a harrowing face-to-face encounter with one.  And while this is purely anecdotal evidence, I did notice a major change in the local wildlife population during the 1990s.  Until that time, deer were a common sight in the mountains where I lived.  Not just individual deer, but vast herds of them.  At one point, I counted nearly a hundred grazing on the hillside above my house.

By the mid-90s, the herds had vanished, and when I did spot deer, they were usually on their own or in groups of no more than two or three.  At the same time, mountain lion sightings increased dramatically.  Connection?  My guess is yes, and it was also during this period that lions began showing up more frequently in or on the edges of major urban areas.  An attempt was made to rescind the hunting ban in 1996, but voters gave it the thumbs down, and it remains in place today.

There have been ten verified mountain lion attacks on human beings (this doesn’t include encounters, even threatening ones, of which there have been many more) since the hunting ban, which would seem like a minuscule number in a state the size of California, except for the fact that there had been only half that many in the entire century preceding it.  Whether you consider it a lot or a few, it was clearly a number that the people of California were willing to live with, though it might be fair to point out that the vast majority of those voting to protect mountains lions live in places where they are extremely unlikely to encounter them.

What I find more intriguing – and this is evident in the comments by readers of the Chronicle article – is how many people seem to find it positively thrilling that they – or preferably their neighbor, I suspect – could be torn limb from limb by a vicious predator.  Whether it’s expressed in terms of “It’s the lions’ territory, you should just stay out of it if you don’t want to be attacked,” or “The lions are just being themselves; its natural,” or, as one guy bluntly put it, “I’ll root for the lions,” I can’t help thinking what a strange species we humans are.

Or is it just me that sees a logical disconnect here?  For those who argue that it’s the lions’ territory (“their turf, their rules,” as one reader put it), I can’t help noting that this particular attack took place in a park.  A park, by almost any definition, is human territory.  It wouldn’t exist were it not for human effort and organization.  As for “the lions are just acting naturally,” well, true, but isn’t it equally natural for human beings – who in case you’ve forgotten, are also carnivorous predators – to hunt?  Yet a large majority of Californians supports natural behavior for one species and outlaws it for another.

As for the guy who is “rooting for the lions,” well, no doubt that was a flippant remark on his part, one which he would most likely be willing to retract if given the choice of having a lion gnawing on his innards while he was still alive (yes, dears, that does happen; surely you’ve seen similar things on the Discovery Channel?).  It reminds me of the airy (some might say airheaded) disdain with which some city dwellers (Oaklanders are especially prone to this) attempt to minimize soaring crime rates: rather than admit that their town has a problem, they’ll dismiss you as a sissy or a hysterical suburbanite if you show an unwillingness to be mugged.  It’s as though they get a thrill from living “on the edge,” as if deliberately placing themselves in harm’s way makes their lives more “real” or meaningful.

Of course those most likely to hold romanticized views about wildlife, be if of the animal or human variety, are also those most likely to live at a safely removed distance from it.  I know my own ideas underwent a transformation when I first moved to the country.  It was then that I developed my “Bambi” hypothesis: that kids growing up in urban America had gotten their ideas of nature from watching Disney cartoons, where everything was sweet and harmonious, where all the lovely little woodland creatures were cuddly and cute, and, as the old saw has it, “Only man is vile.”

It came as a shock, then, to find that at every turn there were creatures, as small as ticks and mosquitoes or as large as wildcats and bears, who not only didn’t want to cuddle with me or sit around the campfire whistling Kumbaya, but who in the pursuance of their own particular aims could make my own life unpleasant, difficult or impossible.  I don’t mean to overstate the case; it’s not as though I was under constant attack or that I didn’t, for the most part, live in happy harmony with my environment.  But when confronted with rattlesnakes or rabid skunks, or the raccoons that took up residence under my house, or the bear that trashed it, brute force proved far more useful than the power of reason and understanding.

The case of the bear was especially illustrative.  He’d been tearing things up for around six months, ripping the door off the shed and a wall off the doghouse in search of food before smashing through my window and demolishing my kitchen.  My dogs and cats were starving because he took their food as fast as I could put it out for them.  Yet when I finally went after him with the shotgun, my city friends were horrified.  “It’s his home, not yours,” was the most popular refrain.  Wrong.  At that time, I’d been living there for 15 bear-free years; he moved onto my land only that year, during a time when the bear population was increasing.  Even still, his den was way down the hill from my house and I was happy to leave him in peace there, happy for him to forage and hunt all over my land, in fact.  I asked only that he stay out of one little corner of it, the corner where I lived.  I didn’t go poking into his den, I reasoned; what gave him the right to come into mine?

Ultimately, my only alternatives were either to move away or to use force to protect my right to stay there.  And folks, this is how it works.  Human beings do not exist in some sort of bubble outside of “nature,” they are part of it.  Granted, they are often guilty of using their wiles and technology to gain an advantage over other creatures, but so is every other creature.  I never heard of a mosquito who refrained from biting a sleeping child because it didn’t want to infect it with malaria, never heard of a lion who said to the antelope, well, I’m very hungry, but you’re such a pretty antelope that I’m going to starve myself so you can continue to run free.

True, one of the best things about human beings is that they are capable of being altruistic, and of making sacrifices for the larger benefit.  And one of the worst things about them is that they too seldom actually do this.  But loving nature and living in harmony with it is one thing; hating oneself and volunteering as a victim is quite another.  A few years ago I coined the term (at least I think I did) “anthropophobia” to describe the phenomenon of people who seemed uncomfortable with the fact that they were, well, people.  To them I say, please, get over it.  It’s neither cute nor clever, and if you really think people are that bad, why not do us all a favor and go feed yourself to an endangered predator?  Bengal tigers and polar bears come to mind; if you’re more of a water person, there are always sharks and killer whales.  Any and all of these beautiful creatures will happily eviscerate and devour you.  I mean, it’s only natural, isn’t it?

This Day In History: February 4, 1968

This Day In History: February 4, 1968

For many years afterward I’d approach this date with deep, dark trepidation, convinced that some sort of disaster was certain to befall me. The one time, though, that an actual disaster happened, I never saw it coming.

That’s not completely true. In fact, I’d sensed an oncoming catastrophe at least as far back as October of 1967, which, as I remember, was when we stopped paying rent on our cozy little apartment on North Hamilton Street. If nothing else, I was at least vaguely aware that we were ultimately going to be homeless, and probably right about when the full, sullen force of a Michigan winter was about to kick in.

That wasn’t our intention, of course; the apartment, on the ground floor of one of the many 19th century houses that made wandering the streets of Ypsilanti a bit like time travel, was the nicest place we had ever lived. Oh, sure, it was a dump in many regards, and lacked most of the niceties – but also the sterility – of our parents’ suburban homes, but it had character. Had it been in our power, we might have stayed there for years, but we knew we had no such power, that life was inexorably spinning out of control, and that it was only a matter of time before our little world was relentlessly torn apart.

If pressed I could trace the origins of that foreboding to the day in mid-September, 1967 when we took LSD for the first time. I remember lying on a bare mattress on the living room floor listening to side one of Are You Experienced? and thinking that life would never be the same again. It wasn’t, either, and though the trajectory was not always straight downhill, the general trend was in that direction.

Until LSD entered the picture, things seemed reasonably innocent. A bit mischievous, perhaps, and certainly bereft of taste – I mean, we actually went around town wearing hippie love beads and with tinkly bells dangling from our belts – but essentially harmless. At least that’s what we told ourselves, even as evidence piled up to the contrary.

I’d met Darrell the previous spring when, through another set of unfortunate circumstances that mostly involved me being a jerk, I’d found myself living on the streets, and he let me move into his dorm room at EMU. I was nominally a student myself, though I hadn’t attended class since February (this was sometime in May). Between us we’d resolved that come autumn we’d turn over a new leaf, get an apartment together, get serious about our studies and, simultaneously become full-fledged hippies.

During the intervening summer we discovered marijuana – or rather, discovered where we could buy it on a regular basis – and that, without our noticing at first, began to change our perspective. We were still intending to go to class and study, but other things began to take priority, smoking pot as much and as often as possible being foremost among them.

Subtle and not so subtle changes ensued. Furniture gradually disappeared from the apartment to make room for the mattresses that made for easier lounging. Paranoid about the neighbors, we covered the windows with heavy curtains and lived in a timeless sort of twilight. The only decoration I recall was a giant poster of Allen Ginsberg wearing a sign that read “Pot Is Fun.”

And it was fun, at least for a while, or we wouldn’t have kept doing it. By now we’d made contact with a couple dozen other budding hippies, and if we weren’t hanging out at our place smoking pot and listening to music, we were at one of their houses doing the same. Still, we seemed able to cope – just about – with the demands of everyday life, even if our plans to attend school and get part-time jobs had been jettisoned when September was barely underway.

But once LSD entered the picture, everything else went out the door, including what was left of the furniture. The idea of paying rent became a meaningless abstraction, something that the bourgeoisie might be hung up on, but wasn’t going to trouble us.

By the time our landlady realized what a couple of deadbeats she was stuck with, October and part of November had slipped away. When she tacked an eviction notice to the front door on the first of December, you might think we’d use the month’s notice it gave us to make some plans or come up with some money, but instead we decided we needed a holiday and I bounced a check to buy us tickets to New York.

Christmas dinner was a can of corned beef hash and a store-bought pound cake, financed by pulling a wagon up and down the block collecting pop bottles, and then came New Year’s Eve, our last night before homelessness. Darrell’s parents had sent him a few bucks. What were we going to spend it on? More LSD, of course.

At midnight we went our separate ways, our plan being to find sympathetic and/or gullible college girls to crash with. Darrell, being a smooth talker and (at least prior to his hippie incarnation) dresser, had no trouble charming his way into a house one street over, but I, not so gifted in that department, was at a loss. Then I remembered two girls I knew who’d just moved into an old (c. 1845) stone house just off North Huron Street. They had what was nominally a one-bedroom apartment, but it had a lot of odd corners and cubbyholes and I could see it had potential. Better yet, they didn’t seem inclined to throw me out.

What had begun as two girls sharing a student apartment morphed within days into a full-on hippie commune known around town as Insanity House (a nickname given us by the other local hippies; it would be years later before I realized they hadn’t meant it as a compliment). Each night more people would come over to hang out and drop acid with us, and most of them seemed to end up living there. By late January I counted 34 people as more or less permanent residents.

I also counted the number of consecutive days that I’d taken LSD: 30. In one of those inexplicable bits of drug-fueled logic, I decided it was important that I continue taking LSD until my day count matched the number of people in our “family” (yes, we actually referred to it as such). Which I did, hitting 34 days on the 2nd of February. That night’s trip wasn’t too pleasant; we’d run out of both money and the good stuff, and whatever it was I managed to scrounge left me thinking that everything had become a photographic negative of itself. Worse, I had a sickening feeling that this time I’d crossed a line, that something in my brain chemistry had been permanently altered, and that things were always going to look this way.

Late that night I found myself raving like a lunatic to a bunch of strangers in an apartment near campus. Desperate to impress them, I told them how Insanity House was actually a revolutionary organization, and that though we financed ourselves by a combination of stealing and selling drugs (true), our real work involved sabotaging government and corporate institutions to oppose the Vietnam War and bring down the government (a complete and utter lie). I bragged that we were making bombs and were going to take out the local draft board (also a complete lie), and when somebody asked how I was going to avoid getting arrested, I breezily assured him that I had a “system” that made it impossible for the police to pin anything on me.

“Sounds like you’ve got it pretty well figured out,” said a mustachioed character who’d been introduced to me as Maurice. “Can you get me two kilos of weed?”

“No problem,” I lied. In fact, I’d done almost no drug dealing on my own, not least because it was impossible for me to hang on to any amount of drugs without using them and/or giving them away. Most of the dealing that supported Insanity House was handled by a hard-boiled but soft-hearted (maybe a bit soft-headed as well) woman named Winnie, who’d somehow inveigled some local drug barons to advance us 300 hits of LSD. Unfortunately, we’d ended up eating almost all of it, and the money from the little bit that was sold mostly went to finance late-night pizza parties and the like.

Winnie was freaking out, not knowing how she was going to pay back the money, and the rest of us were freaking out, not knowing where we were going to get more acid (food was mostly an afterthought and rent had never been thought about at all). As a result, and also because I was feeling fried from my previous night’s experience (the latest rumor was that the CIA was putting speed in LSD to sabotage the hippie movement, which in my mind explained why I hadn’t been able to sleep well lately), February 3 was the first day since New Year’s Eve that I didn’t take acid. Winnie had disappeared, and the rest of the Insanity House crew sat around disconsolately staring at the walls and wondering what was going to become of us.

She showed up the following morning bursting with good news: she’d managed to talk some Detroit dealers into fronting her another 50 hits of acid. “But this time we really have to sell it all,” she insisted. “Then maybe we can start getting back on our feet again.” She added that the Detroit dealers were not hippies, they were gangsters, and would probably kill us if we stiffed them.

Having conveyed that cheerful bit of information, she pulled me aside and handed me the vial of acid. “Hide this somewhere safe,” she said. “If I hang onto it, everyone will be asking me to give them some, and you know me, I just won’t be able to keep saying no.” Considering my own track record, I thought this was a strange request, but I’d actually come to be viewed as a sort of quasi-leader of Insanity House, no thanks to any merits on my part, but possibly because everyone else seemed even crazier than I was.

I buried the vial under a few inches of snow at the back of the yard before leaving to set up the marijuana deal I’d talked myself into two nights earlier. At the last minute, a fit of paranoia overtook me. What if someone had seen where I’d hid it? I looked around for a better hiding place; not seeing one, I stuffed the vial back into my pocket.

Maurice – what kind of name was that for a hippie pot dealer, I asked myself? – picked me up in his car, and we drove to Ann Arbor. We parked on Forest Street, just off South University, and I told him to wait there while I went to the dealer’s house. Michael, a soft-spoken grad student, hadn’t been expecting me, and looked at me as though I were crazy when I asked for two keys. “I’ve never had that much marijuana here,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever even seen that much marijuana.”

“Okay, I’ll take what you have,” I told him, which turned out to be four ounces, and the most marijuana I’d ever seen in my life. I took it back to the car, told Maurice there’d been a misunderstanding and that it would be a day or two before I could get the rest of his order. He didn’t seem perturbed at all, just sat there staring straight ahead. “Well, guess we’d better get back to Ypsilanti, then,” I said, but Maurice still didn’t say a word, nor did he make a move to start the engine. In that same instant I saw two rough-looking men come running toward us from across the street. They were both carrying guns pointed in our direction.

“Maurice, get the hell out of her now!” I yelled, but he continued to sit there as the car door opened and I was dragged onto the sidewalk and handcuffed. They frisked me quickly before hauling me down to the police station; it wasn’t until the second search, conducted just before they locked me in a cell, that they found the vial of LSD. Ironically, that was only a minor detail as far as the police were concerned; at the time Michigan’s laws against marijuana were far more severe than those against LSD. The LSD might have gotten me a year in jail; for sales of marijuana I was looking at 20.

So that was how I spent February 4, 1968. Overall, a bit of a bummer, as the hippies liked to say. However, it was not quite over yet. Sometime a bit before midnight, the police cut me loose, for reasons I couldn’t comprehend at the time, but which I later learned involved them wanting to shadow me and see who I might lead them to. In an all-night planning session with the Insanity House brain trust, fueled by – naturally – still more LSD, it was decided that I’d go underground (it was all the rage in those days) and wait for the revolution.

At dawn I set out for New York City in my friend Jay’s ‘41 Mercury. No headlights, so we couldn’t drive at night, and no heater, which meant that even swathed in blankets we were miserably, miserably cold. We got stopped by cops in Ohio, Pennsylvania and New Jersey, but the warrant hadn’t gone out for me yet. A couple weeks later, the FBI came looking for me at Jay’s parents’ house in Flatbush.

His mother covered for me “as long as I never see you around here again,” and I bounced around the country, to Ohio, back to New York, then to California for the rest of the year before it sunk in that the revolution wasn’t going to happen soon enough to save my ass. Eventually, when all the hubbub had died down, a lawyer was able to broker a deal that left me serving only minimal jail time and a couple years of probation. By 1969 things were more or less back to normal. Insanity House was long gone, of course, busted and trashed by the cops as soon as they realized I’d slipped away, and Jay, the kid who drove me to New York, was dead of a heroin overdose, his body left behind at a rest stop on the Rhode Island Turnpike by his buddies who didn’t want to miss the rock festival they’d been headed for.

Jan, the girl I’d been paired up with at Insanity House – as the alpha-couple, we’d had our own “room,” a closet big enough to accommodate a single mattress – got religion, married a preacher, and, the last I heard, had five kids. A couple years earlier she’d been talking (literally) to trees and insisting she was reincarnated from a cat. I hung around Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor a while longer, but it just wasn’t the same anymore, and as soon as my probation was up, I got the hell out of there. I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for Ann Arbor, and try to visit from time to time, but Ypsilanti (Ypsi-tucky, as the locals often call it), with its brooding Gothic houses and the dark, baleful cloud that seems to hang over the place on even the brightest of days, still scares the hell out of me. I’ll go there every once in a long while, mostly as a way of reminding myself that I’m still free to leave.

Snowy Night, Crazy Heart

Snowy Night, Crazy Heart

The clouds hung around all day long in that brooding yet charged with anticipation sort of way that I remember from my childhood. The weatherman wasn’t predicting it, but when I was out in the park this morning I said to myself that there’s got to be some snow on the way.

Then later the old weatherman changed his tune and said, well, maybe there’ll be a few snow showers tomorrow morning, but this felt like more than a shower and not at all like the sort of thing that could hold off until the next day. Sure enough, when I emerged from a get-together on the Upper West Side around 8 pm a few windblown flakes were already stinging my face, and by the time I’d finished dinner at my favorite (primarily because it’s fast, cheap and thoroughly undistinguished) Cuban-Chinese restaurant, there was a regular old snowstorm going on.

Nothing like the brief but potent blizzard that roared through here back in December, when for a few hours walking through Times Square came to resemble a dogsled trek (minus the dogs and the sled) through the Yukon Territory, just an old-fashioned, run of the mill February snowstorm, the kind that reminds you, yes, it’s still winter and it’s going to be for a while yet.

By way of contrast, while the sky was full of snow tonight, the streets around Times Square were only a bit damp, as if heat were radiating up from the sidewalks and stopping the flakes in their tracks. I ducked into one of the multiplexes for a late night showing of Crazy Heart, not because I’m a big fan of Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski cured me of that), not because he’s got an Academy Award nomination as Best Actor for this film, though I supposed that helped a bit, but mostly because I love country music, especially the kind that features tragic, hopeless drunks. Or tragic hopeless anything: David Allan Coe’s version of the “perfect” country song that starts out, “I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison” is right up my street even if it’s supposed to be comedy. In fact, that’s the genius of country music; even the worst tragedy can end up sounding hilarious, and vice versa.

If, as Oscar Wilde said, “One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing,” the same is true when Tammy Wynette sighs about she and little J-O-E having to go away because of that nasty old divorce. It doesn’t even matter if you’re fully aware just how awful and painful a divorce and child custody battles can be; her way of telling about it is just so over the top cathartic that you can be crying tears of laughter and grief all at the same time.

Unfortunately, while there were a few moments of comic poignancy in Crazy Heart, it was mostly pretty grim going. On the one hand, I’d say Jeff Bridges is a worthy candidate for the Oscar for the way he not only inhabits but pretty much becomes his character, but the verisimilitude he brings to the role may actually hurt the film: the simple fact is that it’s not a lot of fun, nor is it uplifting, to watch a man drinking himself to death.

There were only about 15 people in the theater, and nearly half of them had walked out before the movie was over, so that might tell you something, if only that this is New York City, where country ways may not make a whole lot of sense to most people. But having spent my formative years in Detroit, the most northerly Southern town in these United States, and Ypsilanti, aka Ypsi-tucky, Michigan, and having then spent another ten years in the true hillbilly country (albeit with a marijuana twist) of Mendocino County, I’ve got enough country in me that when an annoying couple in the back row persisted in talking loudly through some of the most intimate and dramatic scenes, I found myself calling out, “Would y’all please be quiet back there?”

Of course I’ve got my own history of disappearing into a whiskey bottle, and even though I’d like to think my brand of choice was a more tasteful one than that favored by Bridges’ character, the results were much the same: inwardly, a lot of sturm und drang at the spectacle of a life going hopelessly down the pan; outwardly, a sloppy, aging drunk sitting around pissing, moaning, puking and passing out. Inside our heads, the Grand Ole Opry, outside, perpetual reruns of a show no sane person would want to watch in the first place.

I’ve been off the booze for eight and a half years now, and I probably won’t be spoiling the movie by telling you that in the end the Bridges character gets clean, too, and in both cases, while we didn’t get the rewards we might have hoped for (Bridges does collect a fat check of the sort that has thus far continued to elude me), we found others that at the time we were still drinking, we wouldn’t even known to look for.

All right, all right, I know it’s just a movie and that Jeff Bridges’ character and I were not really drinking nor recovery buddies, but it’s a testimony to his acting ability (and/or, possibly, some serious experience on the drinking front in real life) that I felt nearly as much kinship with him as I do with friends I now see fighting – and not always winning – the battle with alcohol.

It’s been long enough now since my last drink that I often go days or even weeks at a time without fully remembering just how awful it was at the end, and just how lucky I am to still be here with body and mind reasonably intact and healthy. Quite a few people I’ve known haven’t been so fortunate, and given the way things go, I expect I’ll be attending a few more drunkards’ funerals before my time is through.

Well, what the hell: I didn’t enjoy Crazy Heart in the way I thought I would, as pure entertainment, but I enjoyed it – though “enjoy” doesn’t really seem like quite the right word – a great deal in an uplifting, thank God I made it out of my own drunken nightmare kind of way. I walked back out onto 42nd Street well after midnight, and though the sidewalks still didn’t have a lick of snow on them, overhead it was like a picture postcard. By the time I got back to Brooklyn, where apparently the pavement is several degrees cooler, a couple inches had piled up, enough so that I can count on being awakened no later than 7 or 7:30 by the super shoveling away. He’s not the kind of guy to let the sun rise on a less than spotless sidewalk in front of his building, no sirree.

Jersey Comes To Town

Jersey Comes To Town

In my experience the music industry is composed of one of the biggest collection of whiners, scapegoaters, thin-skinned, blame artists, and socially and emotionally dysfunctional megalomaniacs that you’re likely to find anywhere outside of a Sarah Palin-hosted teabaggers’ convention.

That being so, it’s always a pleasure to encounter one of the rare individuals, bands or labels who actually enjoy what they’re doing, do it well, and get on with task of making and/or distributing music without burdening the rest of us with angst-ridden commentaries about how “difficult” it is in today’s changing environment (as if there was a time when it always stayed the same).  One such individual is New Jersey’s Joe Steinhardt, who, with his friend Zach Gajewski, runs New Jersey’s Don Giovanni Records. In what seems like almost no time at all they’ve taken DGR from a tiny, completely unheard of hobby label to being, well, still kind of unheard of outside certain knowledgeable circles, but nonetheless a thriving and fast-growing concern.

Starting out in Jersey basements and back rooms, moving up to Hoboken’s ever-popular but still tiny Maxwell’s, Joe is now taking the rather large step of bringing his annual DGR showcase not just to some run-of-the mill Manhattan gin joint (where, it must be said, most of our musician friends are forced to ply their trade), but to the stately and, at least by underground/DIY standards, rather large Bowery Ballroom.

I’ve only been to the Bowery myself once before, and that was to see Green Day showcasing their new album last May.  Pretty classy place for a tiny underground label, but something tells me that Don Giovanni is not destined to stay tiny, and this despite the greater part of its music being what – let’s be honest here – I once would have deemed slightly inaccessible.

Put it this way, although this analogy might make sense only to those of you who are inordinately familiar with the early history of Lookout Records.  When David Hayes and I founded the label in 1987, we seemed to be more or less on the same page musically speaking, both of us being extremely fond of the stuff that was coming out of the then brand new Gilman Street Project.  But over the next couple years it became clear that there was a considerable divergence in our tastes: I almost exclusively liked the catchy, poppy, radio-friendly stuff that was one big part of the Gilman scene, but David had a taste for the darker, noisier, more experimental end of things.  A look at his output on Very Small Records after we went our separate ways will give you an idea of what I’m talking about.

Well, with that in mind, I think I can safely say that the basic aesthetic of Don Giovanni Records is decidedly more Hayes than Livermore.  Which tends to be true in general about Jersey bands; I don’t know what it is about being on the other side of the Hudson that causes musicians to get all quirky and odd, but you need travel no further than Hoboken or Jersey City to notice the difference, and once you get down into the deeper, darker heart of Jersey (New Brunswick, I’m looking in your direction) it’s undeniable that some disorienting spirit must inhabit the water or air or perhaps the psychic atmosphere.

Sure, there are slightly more straight ahead pop-punk outfits like Full Of Fancy (though even they will never be confused with the Steinways or the Ramones), but that stretch of Jersey also gave us the Ergs, who while they had their pop-punk elements, were almost anything but straight ahead (they were also Jersey’s greatest export since… well, what other exports did Jersey have, and don’t tell me Bon Jovi or Jersey Shore)?*

Nonetheless, I’ve come to appreciate some of DGR’s output even though it goes against my normal grain, and this Saturday’s (February 6) will give me an opportunity to appreciate (or not) several more bands I’ve not yet seen with the added benefit of a top-flight sound system and a large and enthusiastic crowd.  In fact, the event is nearly sold out already, which is especially impressive for a tiny Jersey label making a foray into the semi-big time.

To be fair, not all the acts are from Jersey; Shellshag are very much a Brooklyn outfit, though plenty of Jersey-ness has attached itself to them.  Blake Schwarzenbach’s post-Thorns Of Life project, forgetters (I write this under duress and out of respect for the wishes of the artist; I thought that whole lower-case thing was silly and pretentious when e.e. cummings did it, remained so when cub did it, and, well, my opinion hasn’t changed) is also Brooklyn-based, or at least Blake is.

The other hot ticket item on the bill is (are?) the Screaming Females, who seem to be making a big splash even in mainstream circles, garnering reviews in the likes of Spin and Rolling Stone, but I won’t hold that against them, and in fact quite enjoyed them last time I saw them.  Yet another band to look forward to will be Jeff Schroek’s (né Erg) Black Wine, who you may already have read about on this very forum.

If you’re interested in attending, I recommend getting tickets ASAP. You can go the Ticketmaster (boo! hiss! much contempt and hatred!) if necessary, but apparently you can avoid their extortionate and immoral “convenience” charge if you go in person to the Bowery Ballroom box office (or any of its associated venues like the Music Hall of Williamsburg, Mercury Lounge, etc.). Not positive about that, but it’s what I’ve been told. Anyway, now you know where I’ll be Saturday night; maybe I’ll see you there!

*Yeah, yeah, I know, Bruce Springsteen, blah blah blah. I don’t care. I really, really don’t care.

Man About Town

Man About Town

I’ve really been kind of a zombie lately. For, oh, like the past year or two. Or maybe the past ten or twenty years. Okay, what the heck, most of my life.

But let’s just focus on lately. Maybe it’s just winter, but I don’t think so, because apart from the occasional frigid gales, it’s been a reasonably mild winter. More days than not I’ve been able to go out to the park and do t’ai chi and run around the track in relative comfort.

Not necessarily that I’ve actually done that more days than not, just that I could have. However, lately I’ve gotten pretty regular at it, as I tend to every time a substantial bout of torpidity, i.e., my default state since Christmas or maybe Thanksgiving, results in my being depressed enough to do something about it.

Exercise works well to dispel the sort of gloom that creeps into the short days (all the shorter when I stay up till 3 and don’t get out of bed till 10 the next morning) and lengthy nights of midwinter, but even knowing this doesn’t always provide sufficient motivation to do it.

Similarly, this period of semi-hibernation provides – or should provide, anyway – an unparalleled opportunity to get all sorts of writing work done, an opportunity I’ve also spurned. Just this morning, in fact, I was staring at one wall or another when it occurred to me that in less than two months, spring would be here. A cheering thought, no?

It was until I saw myself on the first warm days of March or April, wanting desperately to run outside and bask in the sun while watching the city turn green again, but unable to do so because I’d have to stay indoors and finish all the writing I didn’t do this winter. At that point I let loose with a wail of anguish that might have discomfited the neighbors if they weren’t already used to my plinking guitar and caterwauling vocals whenever I get moved to run through a few old Potatomen songs.

On one hand, I should feel gratified that people are starting to bug me about when they might see the next installment of Spy Rock Memories; on the other, I’m cowed by the prospect of actually having to finish writing it. Meanwhile, my brain is already racing ahead to other projects I’ve dreamed up, and racing backwards to recall that it’s been some months now since I’ve done any work on my novel, the one, you might recall, that was certainly going to be finished by Christmas.

Oh well, I thought, since I’m not accomplishing much of anything myself, I might as well go out and get some of what, back in Detroit, we used to call “culture.” I hasten to note that back in Detroit this was a largely theoretical construct, but there was this notion that by attending performances or lectures (again, as I say, largely theoretical, at least in the part of Detroit I inhabited), one could become edified and maybe even “improved.”

So this past week I was out every night to some sort of event, all except Wednesday, when I (if we can stretch a point) participated in the creation of culture by heading over to Greenpoint to allegedly help Gabrielle Bell with her Lucky website (turns out she probably knows more about websites than me).

Monday night in the East Village I saw some sort of performance piece I’d read about in the Times, a baby boomer named Matthew Maguire telling stories about his wild and crazy past. Doesn’t sound like the sort of thing that would normally appeal to me, but I figured, hey, I’m running the same sort of schtick without attracting any notice from the Times, so maybe I could learn something. He reminded me of the 1970s, when a lot of my friends in California started taking avant-garde acting classes, only older, more polished, and definitely more successful. Good stories, but just a teensy bit too pleased with himself.

Tuesday I journeyed farther downtown to hear a couple of 20-something writers, Max Steele and Dan Fishback, read from their works in progress. This, I’ll admit, was a humbling experience; both were not only very good, but also read with a verve and élan that exuded confidence and self-appreciation without bleeding into the “Aren’t I just so cool?” territory mined by Maguire.

Steele writes mostly about sex; he calls it – perhaps a little self-mockingly – porn, but it’s not really, not unless you also think of Henry Miller and D.H. Lawrence as purveyors of wank-lit. Not that I’m drawing any comparisons, though Steele’s mostly Brooklyn and lower Manhattan-based urban landscapes do illuminate the underbelly of the city in a way not unlike what Miller did for bohemian Paris.

Fishback is on the sex tip as well, but from a different angle: his work in progress is a reflection on what it’s like to grow up gay in the shadow of AIDS (a disease, it might be noted, which barely seems to exist in Steele’s happily promiscuous universe). It’s something I admittedly hadn’t given much thought to; Fishback tells a strangely hilarious tale of how “Jewish kids are jaded about the Holocaust by the age of 12” (I hope I’m paraphrasing that more or less accurately), and I think a lot of people who spent the 70s and 80s in either New York or San Francisco have come to feel similarly about the epidemic that carried off so many of their contemporaries.

Or maybe not, but I seem to have reached AIDS overload sometime back in the 90s. Maybe that’s just a defense mechanism, or maybe it’s just that the number of people I knew who died – a dozen or so – was relatively small, at least when compared to some men I’ve met who lost almost everyone they knew.

I guess, too, that I didn’t realize younger people gave that much thought to AIDS, but unless Fishback is an anomaly, apparently they do. Anyway, he wrote and spoke with searing honesty and clarity about it, and I was mightily impressed by his work. All except the song he opened with, which was actually more like an opera with multiple movements. There was nothing really wrong with it; it just wasn’t up to the standard of his written and spoken work. Ironically, he told us that he’d opted for the song because there a piece of writing he didn’t feel confident enough to present. These things being as they usually are, I’m willing to bet it would have been the highlight of his performance if he’d gone with the original plan.

What struck me too about both Steele and Fishback was the way they wrote so freely and un-self-consciously about sex. I must admit I felt a little intimidated, as I’ve never been able to do the same. In fact, I’ve barely even attempted it, and it occurred to me that the inability to write about such a fundamental part of life might pose a severe limitation on any and all writing I do. But I always come back to the question of whether anyone seriously wants to hear details about my sex life, should I ever have one, and the answer usually comes back: probably not.

Thursday night I was at the Brooklyn Library, a rather magnificent building perched on the edge of the Grand Army Plaza which I’d somehow heretofore managed to avoid noticing, to hear Gabrielle Bell, who, along with Jessica Abel and Jillian Tamaki, was part of a panel discussing “Women In Comics,” and which was ably moderated by Publishers Weekly’s Calvin Reid.

I’m no expert in comics, but I happen to think women are generally better at them than men, especially when it comes to the personal/memoirish/semi-fictional variety that many women seem to excel in. At any rate, this was an excellent discussion, and not burdened with any of the geekiness or tech-talk that invariably seems to creep in when boy artists are involved.

Friday night I finally made it uptown, as far as 42nd Street, anyway, to see my friend Bill Koch’s play Sonnets From The Tower. Not the sort of thing, I’ll admit, I’d be rushing off to see if I didn’t know the writer and director, considering that it acknowledged right up front that it consisted of “44 sonnets of 12 lines each” presented by various ghosts inhabiting the Tower of London. What’s more, the play’s protagonist was a poet, i.e., the sort of person I’m inclined to give the stink eye at first mention of his calling.

But surprisingly – or perhaps not, given Koch’s talent – the sonnets not only scanned and rhymed, they actually made a good deal of sense and conveyed a poignant message. There was a little too much focus on the chopping off of heads, but I suppose there’s no getting around the fact that a lot of that sort thing went on in the Tower. Some of the best of the lot were delivered by various animals, including a raven, a snappy little poodle, and a pair of lions, one new and feisty and the other full of world-weariness and resignation.

Which, after a whole week of unremitting culture, was how I was beginning to feel so I came home and watched TV all weekend, assiduously avoiding anything that threatened to challenge my intellect and opting instead for such masterpieces as Independence Day, the Grammy awards, and half a dozen Law and Order reruns. By Monday (today), normal service had been restored and I felt like a zombie again.